Ruin

One of my favorite movies is Eat Pray Love. Julia Roberts plays a woman who has lost touch with herself and with love. Throughout the movie she travels to Italy, India and Bali and gains many lessons. While in Italy, Julia visits a dark ruined place in Rome. The man who is with her explains that ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.

Often times when we fall short and make mistakes in life we feel pain and anguish. When all these mistakes pile up on top of one another we feel like we are ruined. We feel as though there is no way that life can possibly go on. In my life, I have experienced very low and depressed times. Fighting a war within myself to continue you on but also staying in a state of grief and depression. When you are at war with your spirit, there is no way you can grow. I believe the spirit, the soul and the flesh must be in tune, in sync to produce growth.

Most times we expect growth and transformation to be a beautiful thing. Ever so focused on the new being we become. Often forgetting the journey it will take to get their. To achieve transformation or growth, we have to understand something had to end, die if you will so something new can be reborn. The thought of dying to most is sad and painful. Why do we think we can skip this stage and head straight to the end of our transformed selves? To become new, our old must parish. So often we are attached to the vary parts of ourselves that we urge ourselves to get rid of. We cling to the parts of ourselves that we can not stand because we are comfortable where we are and we would rather hold on to the horrible parts than let them go and risk loosing everything. But, "ruin is the road to transformation"

Even myself, I hold on to the vary things that are hurting me spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Everyday I hold on to them, I am pushing away the possibility of ruin and transformation. Forgetting "There is beauty in the breakdown". We all struggle with letting ourselves go, we all struggle with being alone and naked to the world or our "friends". But the important thing to remember is, your ruin is not the end. Your ruin will lead to your transformation. Embrace the falling of fortresses built inside you that have been held up by fear for so many years. Embrace the falling of rain on the fertile soils in your heart that have been dry from the drought of love. Take today and except your flaws, your shortcomings and your fears and look them in the eye. Begin your ruin, so you can make way for transformation.

with love and peace,
Kasai Marie Carter
December 4th 2011

The road to happiness

So many times we focus on the negative things that are going on in our lives. Recently I have been readig a novel that was purchased for me by a loved one. The novel is written by Joyce Meyers and it is titled Battlefield of the Mind. 

I have been going through many changes in recent months from moving into my first apartment and being on my own to meeting new people and excepting them into my everyday life.

Joyce Meyers discusses how the enemy (if you believe in a devil or an enemy) attacks us through our thoughts. The enemy builds up strongholds in our minds to make us believe negative things about ourselves, our lives and the people around us.

The enemy has used the strong holds in my mind to keep me in bondage and after awhile he didn't have to do anything, I believed the negative thoughts and they became me, they made me. My thoughts were often your father abandoned you, marriage is dead, every man will hurt you and leave you, or youre  overweight so you don't deserve anything you should settle, you won't have a beautiful man, because a bigger girl can not have an attractive man. I believed these thoughts. These thoughts have held me in bondage and stunted my growth for years.

Joyce Meyers states, "If you think negative thoughts your life will be negative." This statement is so true. Breaking the bondage is the toughest thing to do. When you are so used to thinking and living in a certain manner for years it becomes you and overtakes you like an infection. You become the host of the parasite of negativity. When negative thoughts consume you and they become you fear is born aswell. The Christian bible states that God has not given us the spirit of fear. When we have fear or feel fear among us, it is not of God.

Unfortunately, because I thought negatively, fear manifested itself within me as well. So for years my life has been ruled by these thoughts and fears,

"My father abadoned me and my family and he wasn't there, therefore all men are like daddy, my marriage will fail and my husband will leave me and my children as well"
Fear: relationships are pointless, commitment is terrifying, anyone you let get close to you will eventually leave  you.

"I am over weight, I will always be overweight, no one will ever be interested in me or truely love me because let's face it no one wants a thicker woman, I may as well settle because I should be grateful for what I get."

Fear: the posibility of being healthy and happy about my body image. Loosing weight and having to deal with these thoughts and why I have gained weight over the years.

I am here today to tell you, all of those negative thoughts are LIES! You are not a failure. You are worth more than the mind can fathom. You are a king, or a queen. I know and I respect that all of my readers may not be Christian but the bible states that God has began a work in us and he WILL see it through to completion. The work has begun and while God is working we should be learning about ourselves, growing, loving and thinking beautiful thoughts.

What our parents did or are doing has no control of the plan that is laid out for each and everyone of us. Never forget that. Never let anyone tell you different.

As I am in the process of healing from the hurt and neglect from my father and the pressures of loosing weight, I am finding that changing my thoughts has made a world of a difference in my life. I am beautiful, smart and loveable. You reader, are beautiful, smart and loveable. We are worth more than all the stars in the sky and we should walk in that, and believe it.

So as I journey to Chicago this weekend I am acknowledging that I am truly on the road, but not just any road, I am on the road to happiness. Join me today by changing your thoughts. Changing your mind when you think negative thoughts. Say hello to your fears and tell them they are not welcome here anymore. Day by day the living gets better. Day by day the perception of our lives will change and the beautiful blessings that have been there all along begin to become more visual.

Join me today and say yes to yourself. And yes to a new life, from sadness and depression to love, abundance and a life worth living.

If available, find a quiet place with no distractions. Sit quietly and meditate on the new you, the happier you and living and walking in that happiness. Meditate on the stillness and peace that dwells within you. Embrace the joy and what is to come.

When I Fall Short

When I started this blog, I had no intention of ever having to censor what I say and how I say it. Therefore, this is my blog and I will say things and bring up thoughts that are in direct connection with my life. My blog posts are never to attack an individual or a group of individuals. If you, the reader ever feel different I encourage you to look at why you feel attacked and solve that dilemma within your self. 

"No one has the power to make you feel inferior without your consent" - Elenore Roosevelt 

Lately, things have been up and down. I have been in between the feelings of contentment and anxiousness. This semester has brought many changes and the result of these changes have encouraged growth. When we look at growth we often think of something so awesome, exciting and worth the wait. Trust me, I believe we all know it is all of these things, but we often don't discuss the painful aspect of growth.

A great friend of mine explained the pain I have been experiencing as God shedding the dead skin off of me to make way for the new skin. If you think of that explanation, it doesn't sound like something delightful what so ever. It sounds like and feels literally like the description. Imagine someone pulling at your epidermis which is the first exposed level of skin we all have. We all know when we skin our knee or cut ourselves before the new skin can come through and shine its light, we have to heal, and a scabbing process must start. When we are striving to get to new levels as women or men in christ, or forgiving family members, moving forward from broken relationships or letting go of whatever is consuming you it is like we are scabbing and trying to heal which is a delicate and painful process. 

But, what happens when you have begun this process and you fall short? Majority of us have heard the saying "I take two steps forward to take ten steps back." There is nothing like the wonderful feeling of making positive changes in your life and seeing your growth, then feeling almost a worthlessness and anxiousness when you make a mistake. Maybe you have been trying to remain celibate and fall into temptation, maybe you have been trying to eat healthy and you slip up and eat something awful and miss a gym day or maybe you have been trying to remain sober and you fall short and have a night of drinking. Regardless what your falling short is for you, you feel like things are ruined and your progress has vanished. 

I know the feeling. I know the thoughts that consume you. You think to yourself, "How could you let this happen?" "How could I have been so stupid?" "All of the effort I have put into becoming a better person have gone to waste!"  We beat ourselves up. Yes, you may have fallen short, but your mistake will not ruin what your plan is for yourself. Some of you may be thinking great Kasai, I have heard this before what are the solutions?!? Well, first if you are a spiritual person and have a relationship with God or a seeking to begin a relationship with God, then at this time of need remember that God is our help. If you are not a believer, this blog isnt to convert you. Through my life I have struggled with my belief and relationship with God, but through growth and seeking God I take Jesus as my personal savior and I identify as a Christian, but don't be discouraged, the same advice can be used for you as well just a couple of steps after acknowledging God. (stay tuned)

For those who believe in an Almighty creator, seek him at this time whole heartedly. Through my tough times in lif and even on my good days I have found such joy and peace when I sought God and leaned on him for understanding and reason. The only understanding and reason that you need to be reminded of is, understand the Power that we give to God. If we believe he is all knowing, All powerful, and everywhere at all times, then we should be able to have faith that he is all of those things for us in this hurt and short coming we are experiencing. 

After seeking God or if you do not believe in a higher power, I encourage you to encourage you. All this means is change the negative thoughts in your head. Change the thoughts that say you messed up, you cant do anything right and so on and so fourth. Instead of beating yourself up say, I made a mistake but this will not be a road block but simply a road bump. Say to yourself, I fell short, but I am not perfect and I will never reach perfection so all I can continue to do is try to learn from my mistakes and lead a better life by not making the same mistakes over and over. 

If we accept the fact that we will never be perfect, then we will live such easier lives. READER, YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. Stop beating yourself up about it. This isn't to say I will never be perfect so I may as well keep doing things that are back tracking my growth or I can do whatever I please because I have a spiritual crutch that will always forgive me, but it means I can stop beating myself up and try to get it right next time. To pass any test you need to go over the material at least once, for some people they need hours or days of studying to pass an exam. Think of your mistakes as an exam. You failed this time, because you didn't go over the material or you just winged it. Look where you fell short, look what led you to that action, break down why you did it and I am sure, very sure if you are honest with yourself you will see and find what triggers your short coming. When you find the trigger don't put it to the side, yet look at the trigger and study and commit it to memory. So when the exam comes around again, YES! you can pass it this time. 

You can beat and overcome this situation and any situation that comes your way. You are not a failure because you fell short. Whether its the first times you have done this or the fortieth, you can pass this exam with flying colors. I encourage you to find the trigger, find what leads you to fall short and make this mistake.

For me, my broken relationship with my father and years of pain from that, I became involved with guys to fuel my pain. For years I searched for my fathers love through the love of the guys I was becoming involved with. I was in denial, and I didn't want to break down my pattern of falling short. Finally, I sat down and came to grips with my sin and my mistakes and found my trigger to be the brokenness that I had been harboring with the relationship with my father. Due to not healing from that, and not being completely honest with myself I continued to fall short. Though I know the trigger and I have come far in my healing process with my relationship with my father I still fall short every now and then.I still fail the exam sometimes and I beat myself up alot about it because my heart desires to turn away from that behavior. But, I know that I have more studying to do about myself and more growth to go through in order to Pass the test and not have to take it again. Stop putting yourself in positions to fail the test and at all times remember your worth. 

Today, begin your studies on yourself. Look at you and break down your behaviors and find the triggers behind them. Remember to be honest with you. 

I send you peace, love, encouragement and joy. 

Please feel free to leave comments or share your experiences this is a non-judgement zone 

Haunted By Lovers

When has it reached that point where enough is enough?
People say that love can make you do some strange things, but is it love making you do these things or your decision to block out all reasonable decisions because you want to believe the happiness your feeling or have felt in the past with your lover will sustain you?

Sustenance, do you really understand the concept of it?
Why do we believe or allow ourselves to think that a relationship where one of you lies your way through is sustainable? That's called torture. We believe on so many levels that "Things will get better", "We are going through a phase", or "He loves me but he just isn't ready to commit just yet so I will wait." Did it ever occur to you that things are just not meant to be?

From personal experience, I know I have brushed off the lies, brushed off the fact that a guy just wasn't on my level intellectually, brushed off the disconnect and even the cheating. Finally I got to the point where I had to say enough is truly enough. I realized I was settling. Since my freshmen year of college, I have held on to a lover who at first glance caught my eye, who I envisioned being someone I could have in my life for many moons and sunrises to come. I wished, and forced this lover into my perception of what I wanted us to be only to realize semesters down the road, he isn't going to be that stereotype for me. "College Sweetheart" The more I tried to force him into that role, the more it was revealed to me that he was not meant to be.

Once you have realized this, or have had any thought or reasonable doubt, usually that means walk away. Trust your instincts. Make sure you let go of this person body, mind and spirit. If you fail to do so your lover will Haunt you. Not in a spooky demonic way, but in a way where you will be grocery shopping and have a thought of him or her and it is such a strong thought or memory that you get all bent out of shape, or you see something and it reminds you of that person, or to the point that it has compelled me to write this post, that you dream about this person and in your dream the very thing you have always wanted from this person and for the two of you it will come true. For me my dream last night was him finally committing to me and it was the sweetest most endearing dream I can remember having. When I woke up I remember it was only a dream. I was being haunted by a lover.

Today I encourage you to let the ghosts of your lovers go. Everyman you have be with even if not in a physical way, but everyman you had a thing for or a man you loved. Because, being haunted by a lover, can blur your future loves and you could miss out on another opportunity to love and be loved in return.

The First Steps

Today is the day that the decision has come to great me. I am standing at a cross roads, Left: self loathing, wallowing in pity and complacency. Right: a dirt road where I know not where the direction leads. I look left and all of my insecurities and all the pain that has grown and matured and festers inside of me says "Go left". You see the pain and disappointments in life feed on the path of wallowing, self loathing and complacency and to continue onward left on that path means the pain will continue to grow inside and take all of your energy, take your spirit and filter through your blood and corrupt the mind. 


Today is the day for a new decision, a new direction. I am standing at a cross roads, Left: self loathing and Right: new direction. What will you choose today? A lot of times, we fear new direction because of the unknown. We fear change because of the uncomfortable states that we know will come. Some of us choose left because we find it easier to sit in our mess then to get up and take simple steps. 


Today, choose right. Choose the dirt road that's leads in a direction where you have never seen before. At the end of this life, we are all trying to get to the same end point, peace and understanding. Some of our paths are going to be different and some will take longer then others to get to the destination, but you will get there. Today I encourage you to take a step with me. Take a step because you deserve love, you deserve peace, you deserve joy and most of all you deserve understanding of your own self. 

Take theses first steps with me, and see what beautiful joys unfold in your life.