"No one has the power to make you feel inferior without your consent" - Elenore Roosevelt
Lately, things have been up and down. I have been in between the feelings of contentment and anxiousness. This semester has brought many changes and the result of these changes have encouraged growth. When we look at growth we often think of something so awesome, exciting and worth the wait. Trust me, I believe we all know it is all of these things, but we often don't discuss the painful aspect of growth.
A great friend of mine explained the pain I have been experiencing as God shedding the dead skin off of me to make way for the new skin. If you think of that explanation, it doesn't sound like something delightful what so ever. It sounds like and feels literally like the description. Imagine someone pulling at your epidermis which is the first exposed level of skin we all have. We all know when we skin our knee or cut ourselves before the new skin can come through and shine its light, we have to heal, and a scabbing process must start. When we are striving to get to new levels as women or men in christ, or forgiving family members, moving forward from broken relationships or letting go of whatever is consuming you it is like we are scabbing and trying to heal which is a delicate and painful process.
But, what happens when you have begun this process and you fall short? Majority of us have heard the saying "I take two steps forward to take ten steps back." There is nothing like the wonderful feeling of making positive changes in your life and seeing your growth, then feeling almost a worthlessness and anxiousness when you make a mistake. Maybe you have been trying to remain celibate and fall into temptation, maybe you have been trying to eat healthy and you slip up and eat something awful and miss a gym day or maybe you have been trying to remain sober and you fall short and have a night of drinking. Regardless what your falling short is for you, you feel like things are ruined and your progress has vanished.
I know the feeling. I know the thoughts that consume you. You think to yourself, "How could you let this happen?" "How could I have been so stupid?" "All of the effort I have put into becoming a better person have gone to waste!" We beat ourselves up. Yes, you may have fallen short, but your mistake will not ruin what your plan is for yourself. Some of you may be thinking great Kasai, I have heard this before what are the solutions?!? Well, first if you are a spiritual person and have a relationship with God or a seeking to begin a relationship with God, then at this time of need remember that God is our help. If you are not a believer, this blog isnt to convert you. Through my life I have struggled with my belief and relationship with God, but through growth and seeking God I take Jesus as my personal savior and I identify as a Christian, but don't be discouraged, the same advice can be used for you as well just a couple of steps after acknowledging God. (stay tuned)
For those who believe in an Almighty creator, seek him at this time whole heartedly. Through my tough times in lif and even on my good days I have found such joy and peace when I sought God and leaned on him for understanding and reason. The only understanding and reason that you need to be reminded of is, understand the Power that we give to God. If we believe he is all knowing, All powerful, and everywhere at all times, then we should be able to have faith that he is all of those things for us in this hurt and short coming we are experiencing.
After seeking God or if you do not believe in a higher power, I encourage you to encourage you. All this means is change the negative thoughts in your head. Change the thoughts that say you messed up, you cant do anything right and so on and so fourth. Instead of beating yourself up say, I made a mistake but this will not be a road block but simply a road bump. Say to yourself, I fell short, but I am not perfect and I will never reach perfection so all I can continue to do is try to learn from my mistakes and lead a better life by not making the same mistakes over and over.
If we accept the fact that we will never be perfect, then we will live such easier lives. READER, YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. Stop beating yourself up about it. This isn't to say I will never be perfect so I may as well keep doing things that are back tracking my growth or I can do whatever I please because I have a spiritual crutch that will always forgive me, but it means I can stop beating myself up and try to get it right next time. To pass any test you need to go over the material at least once, for some people they need hours or days of studying to pass an exam. Think of your mistakes as an exam. You failed this time, because you didn't go over the material or you just winged it. Look where you fell short, look what led you to that action, break down why you did it and I am sure, very sure if you are honest with yourself you will see and find what triggers your short coming. When you find the trigger don't put it to the side, yet look at the trigger and study and commit it to memory. So when the exam comes around again, YES! you can pass it this time.
You can beat and overcome this situation and any situation that comes your way. You are not a failure because you fell short. Whether its the first times you have done this or the fortieth, you can pass this exam with flying colors. I encourage you to find the trigger, find what leads you to fall short and make this mistake.
For me, my broken relationship with my father and years of pain from that, I became involved with guys to fuel my pain. For years I searched for my fathers love through the love of the guys I was becoming involved with. I was in denial, and I didn't want to break down my pattern of falling short. Finally, I sat down and came to grips with my sin and my mistakes and found my trigger to be the brokenness that I had been harboring with the relationship with my father. Due to not healing from that, and not being completely honest with myself I continued to fall short. Though I know the trigger and I have come far in my healing process with my relationship with my father I still fall short every now and then.I still fail the exam sometimes and I beat myself up alot about it because my heart desires to turn away from that behavior. But, I know that I have more studying to do about myself and more growth to go through in order to Pass the test and not have to take it again. Stop putting yourself in positions to fail the test and at all times remember your worth.
Today, begin your studies on yourself. Look at you and break down your behaviors and find the triggers behind them. Remember to be honest with you.
I send you peace, love, encouragement and joy.
Please feel free to leave comments or share your experiences this is a non-judgement zone
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